Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas….

[Shamelessly “borrowed” from Neal Boortz]:

Basic Truths About 24’s Jack Bauer

Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it’s beef.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Let’s get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Osama bin Laden’s recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn’t a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “< Jack Bauer”.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?

Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he’s done it twice.

Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

What color is Jack Bauer’s blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Sun Tzu once wrote, “If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you’re f***ing dead.”

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.

Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

The bumper sticker on Jesus’s car reads, “WWJBD?”

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.

Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

14 Days

Like any Little League coach will tell you, going into a game brimming with over-confidence is a sure-fire way to lose the game.

Let’s see – have the Democrats put forth any REAL issues during the 2006 campaign? [UPDATE: Dr. Sanity has a very excellent post on this exact subject!] Take a look at what they think is important:

The Media Socialist Mouthpiece, better known as the Main Stream Media, trumpets daily that the election is already won by the Democrats. They project the number of seats in jeopardy. They poll and re-poll. Change the questions just a smidge to get the results they want, instead of a true survey. They interview talking heads, hoodwinking experts. For every conservative view that is expressed, they counter with 10 liberals. They show videos of questionable origin, just to obscure that good things ARE happening and progress is being made (sorry, that just doesn’t fit into their agenda!). Bela Pelosi is trawling for office space. Various players are jockeying for tasty committee chairs.

I believe, in my heart of hearts, that this strategy will blow-up in the Democrat’s respective faces. The MSM laments that President Bush doesn’t appear fretful over this election. He knows, like so many of us, that the American public is sick and tired of shenanigans, pointless posturing, illogical behaviors, untenable accusations. He knows that the heart of soul of America will stand up for what’s good and right. That most Americans are NOT swayed by sound bites and negative campaigning and idiots wearing campaign buttons and moonbats burying body parts out west.

Instapundit has a poll on the election – go take it. You won’t see that one on CBS!

The W will be in the Peach state for the next 2 days, helping out Republican candidates. I’m sure even the local stations will cover him with less respect than the man, much less the office, deserves.

UPDATE:  Gerard has an idea on how he’ll again vote Democratic one day…..

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