Darth Bauer

Farmer Hoggett, he ain’t.

The only fun part of my day-long appointment with the powder room was getting caught up on my taped episodes of 24. No wonder Jack has so much suppressed rage. Just look at the pater familias.

Maaaannnn, he kills his son and blames CTU/Jack for the death. He kidnaps his own grandson and then threatens his daughter-in-law with the well-being of her boy. Then he tries to kill both her and Jack with a bomb. Then the evil Russian everyone at CTU is looking for turns out to be none other than the dishy French planter Emile from South Pacific. Today must be Opposite Day on 24!

But back to ol’ Daddy-O. What a piece of work! From pig farmer to major bad old dude. But Mr. Darkest of the Dark Bauer – I have a couple of questions, if you don’t mind.

1. Exactly what kind of business is the family company in anyway?
2. Why did Jack not want to work for you?
3. Why does Paul McCrane insist on playing weasels? All the time? Sorry, I didn’t care for him as Leonard Betts, the cancer-eating creepoid on the X Files that had a taste for Sculley’s brain. Or as Dr. Romano, mister-major-a$$-hole-who- thinks-he’s-in-charge on ER. On both those shows he died badly as well.
4. Sorry, I digress. Don’t you think Josh looks alot like Kim?
5. Are there any Bauer sisters? Have any of them made appearances on CSI as Lady Heather?
6. Where’s Granny Bauer? Should we check in the basement or the backyard of Castle Bauer with cadaver dogs? Or the freezer, maybe?

I can see it now….in hour 11….Daddy Bauer dons The Helmet and says (sqssh, sqssh) “Joooosh, Jaaack is your faaahhhther”. (sqssh, sqssh)

1 Comment

  1. January 12, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    […] 12, 2009 at 5:16 pm (BauerWorld, Good News) Previously on Obi’s Sister: Darth Bauer and Superman Wears Jack Bauer […]

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