Friday Foobars and the Hillary Joke of the Day

Obi obliged this morning with the latest Hillary-Ha-Ha:

Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Edwards were flying to a convention. Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled smugly and said, “You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.”

Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, “I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.”

John added, “That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, “Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.”

It’s a long way to November, folks. In the email exchange that followed, I asked Obi if he thought they’d flown commercial or a private “green charter”. He snarked right back with

“It was a green flight with a carbon compensator. The hildabeast would never fly with the great unwashed on a commercial flight.”

Amen to that!

Now on to a few Friday Foobars….

Speaking of “carbon footprints” and “carbon offsets”, you can now buy “Infidelity Offsets.” Really.

It’s the only socially conscious way to properly compensate for your, um, emissions.

Kiwis, not to be outdone by snivelling Muslims, are offended by their on-screen treatment by First Lady Martha Logan in Monday’s episode of “24.”

In part, WACKY [World Alliance for the Cultivation of Kiwis and Yams] stated “The mishandling of kiwi fruit by the show’s producers and writers only serves to foment further kiwi-hatred within America. The show even went so far to implicate a kiwi fruit in the murder of a former U.S. President.

You go, Martha. Yep, you do deserve a medal. Not just for stabbing him, but for putting up with his mind games all those years. Maybe now you can get off the Haldol.

Speaking of Wacky AND Haldol, Siggy gives out awards to the biggest idiots around. My favorite this week is..

The Haldol Honor, awarded each week to the person or persons most out of touch with reality, either on or off medication goes to The ‘Personality Hotels’ chain (’Small Hotels. BIG Personalities!’)

A San Francisco hotel chain has taken a bold leap into previously uncharted realms of celebrity gawking and good taste, by offering its patrons the ‘Britney Breakdown Package’, in which they can lovingly recreate Ms. Spears’ downward spiral into oddness.

A $50 voucher for a trip to a hair salon is thrown in, just in case you should feel a burning need to get rid of all your hair because the bad goblins who whisper at you are hiding in it.

And you’ll also get a Marc Jacobs hand mirror – either for reminding yourself just how fabulous you look, or for staring into endlessly, weeping silently at the hollow, soulless death-mask that stares back at you.

The fun doesn’t end there. Britney-a-likes taking advantage of the package will also get a bottle of luxury water, insofar as water can actually be luxurious, for those rare moments when alcohol seems like it might not be the best idea. And, most importantly, guests will get given a pair of knickers, so that they remember to wear knickers.

Yeah, there are legions of people who want to be in Britney’s psycho boots.

You betcha. While the Super Fantistic Manolo always has good advice about boots, psycho or not, he wonders about these

And this is certainly something that would scare you halfway into next week. Mrs. Doubtfire, he AIN’T.

Instead of “The Three Little Puppies”, how about “The Three Little Puppets“? Morons.

And last, but not least, not at all, dearest, oh pukkie pooh, Almost Sir Beck & Posh’s move to LA will be now documented breath by breath. Dear Lord, I can hardly wait.

NOT.

UPDATE: Not a retard. But plays one on TV.

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