A Gold & White Transfusion

A Midlife Metamorphosis

By Walter Geiger, Editor & Publisher, Barnesville Herald-Gazette

I’ve had a change of heart.

Call it a midlife crisis or middle age metamorphosis but I feel a transformation taking place in my body.

My formerly Red & Black blood has been replaced with a transfusion of gold and white. It began with the heartbreak of Georgia’s shellacking of Hawaii in the Sugar Bowl and coursed stronger when Georgia Tech announced the hiring of Paul Johnson with his brilliant offensive mind.

Then, Georgia finished the season in the top three in all the major polls. Tech’s pole is located at the Pink Pony. So are its cute coeds.

Game day has become a chore in Athens. Parking is at premium. Many of the prime tailgating spots have been sold to the highest bidder and God forbid you should step on a sidewalk with an adult beverage in hand.

Meanwhile, on the flats, you park where you please – for a fee – and step over the drunken homeless folks who litter the sidewalk. Kickoff time is whenever you can get there – a plus for those of us with hectic schedules.

I have always had a thing for those short-sleeved dress shirts with the ink stained plastic pocket protector and clip-on tie so I took all my red Polos and my Blackout hoodie to the landfill.

Larry Munson is just too sedate with the play-by-play so I am going with the live wire that is Wes Durham.

My alma mater – Montgomery County High School – ran the wishbone offense back in the early 1970s. Now that the legendary Chan Gailey has strolled into the sunset with his stellar 44-32 record, Johnson is bringing the wishbone back to college football where it has not seen the Sun since J.C. Watts called the shots at Oklahoma.

Sure, Gailey was 0-6 against Georgia but that was just a blip on the radar. Tech Total People overlook that math, preferring to concentrate on complex algorithms that allow for bridges to fall into rivers.

That is the higher plane to which I shall aspire.

I just don’t think Matthew Stafford, Knowshon Moreno and Caleb King can hang with Calvin Booker and Jonathan Dwyer this fall. Truth be known, I want to paint my chest, don that ultra cool wig and cavort in the end zone at Grant Field like the lumbering Yellow Fellow with Keith Richards’ penchant for partying and expense account.

Who cares about hosting Tennessee, Georgia-Florida weekend in Jacksonville, the SEC title game and a possible shot at the national championship when your home schedule includes key, intersectional match-ups with Jacksonville State and Gardner-Webb.

Now that I’ve made up my mind to go with the new blood flow, I have acquired strange new abilities.

I broke down and completely repaired the faulty pencil sharpener at the office.

I discovered a plethora of Star Trek ringtones for my cell phone.

I have the strange desire to have a dermatologist restore pimples to my face in time for the next tickle pile.

And, I have put in for a spot on the overnight shift at 7-11 where I can log into headquarters in Sri Lanka and do IBM systems support between robberies and carjackings.

If I get that gig, ya’ll can audition for this one.

April Fool!

[Gotcha! Haaahhhaaaaaahhhaaaa! Admin]

Obama Joke of the Day

Equal time, and all that. Compliments of Obi….

Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign “FREE KITTENS” next to them.

Suddenly a big line of big black cars came up with a policeman on a motorcycle in front. The cars all stopped and a tall man stepped out from the biggest car.

“Hi, little girl, what do you have there in the box?” he asked. “Kittens” Little Suzy says. “They’re so small, their eyes are not even open yet.”

“What kind of kittens are they?” he asked. “Democrats” says Little Suzy.

The tall man smiled his big and famous smile, returned to his car and they drove away.

Sensing a good photo opportunity, Sen. Obama called his campaign manager and told him about the little girl and the kittens. It was planned that they would return the next day, have all the media there and tell everyone about these great kittens.

The next day, Little Suzy is standing out on the corner with her box of kittens with the “FREE KITTENS” sign and the big motorcade of black cars pulled up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.

Everyone had their cameras ready and then, Sen. Obama got out of his limo and walked up to Little Suzy.

“Now, don’t be frightened,” he said, “Remember me from yesterday? I just want you to tell all these nice news people just what kind of kittens you’re giving away today.”

“Yes sir,” Suzy said, “The are all REPUBLICAN kittens.”

Taken by surprise, Sen. Obama said, “But yesterday, you told me that they were DEMOCRATS.”

Little Suzy says, “Yes, I know. But today, they have their eyes open.”

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