Department of Magical Creatures, Second Floor

Obama’s land of rainbows and unicorns is crumbling fast – his approval rating is now -8 and sinking like his stimulus package. What’s the point of another round of links – where he disses America, rewrites history, pals around with terrorists, forgets his own story, ogles an under-age girl? It’s all SSDD. Day after day, it’s sooooo mind-numbing. I think it’s all part of his Evil Plan; so let’s do something different today to throw him off our scent. In honor of an upcoming movie, let’s visit a mythical Ministry and check out some departments, where we might even find some grown ups (gasp!).

Department of Underage Magic – It’s official. We’re entering an El Nino pattern.

For more than a century, ship captains and fishers have been aware of a recurring pattern in the weather in the eastern Pacific, which tends to repeat itself every 3 to 4 years. The pattern is known as El Niño–or “The Boy Child”–because its effects seem to be felt the most around Christmastime. Scientists now understand that an El Niño period begins when a narrow but well-defined band of surface water, at least 0.5°C warmer than normal, accumulates in the eastern equatorial Pacific and spreads westward during late spring and early summer (see diagram). Satellite data have now confirmed just such a pattern, report scientists at the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA).

You know how those nerdoid El Ninos in the Global Warming Pseudo-Science Club will spin this. Like the bad little boy the pattern is named after, they will spread fear like dementers in a drain pipe. You’ve been warned.

Department of Transparent Inquisigorical InquisitionsExcellent questions that won’t be asked. Finesse is needed, because

…in altering the fundamentally libertarian course of the Constitution towards a Progressive, utopian course, you can’t just turn the ship on a dime.

Unless it’s from Durmstrang and sails underwater. Already guaranteed a smooth confirmation; she won’t even be offered the gratis tour of Azkaban.

Department of the Real Secrets that are Really Kept Secret – Government officials charged with keeping highly classified information – really kept it secret? Really? No wonder Pelsoi is drinking the Polyjuice Potion.

Department of Navel-Gazing, Upper Umbridge Division – Young wizards should not be taught the teachings of the Founders, or any rights and/or privileges afforded them by their Constitution, because, well, that’s just wrong. It gets in the way of the brain-washing and they wouldn’t learn to grovel immediately to the third incarnation of Tom Riddle.

Department of Magical Healing – Us muggles don’t have the advantage of charms and magic to heal our many health woes. No St. Mungo’s for us. We have to rely on muggle doctors, and their inventive treatments. Under the Unicorn Wizard’s new and magical plan, how many will suffer and die, needlessly? He-Who-Can’t-Be-Named must be very happy. That is, if he’s capable of such an emotion.

Department of Paranormal Paranoia – My own paranoia was previously mentioned and this bit of news doesn’t help at all.

According to a former 31-year IBM employee, the highly-publicized, mandatory switch from analog to digital television is mainly being done to free up analog frequencies and make room for scanners used to read implantable RFID microchips and track people and products throughout the world.

What have we here… an Obamatized Marauder’s Map? Keep up with us, he will. They all will. Time to look for that Invisibility Cloak.

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2 Comments

  1. vanderleun said,

    July 13, 2009 at 8:25 pm

    Thanks for spreading that paranoia around.

  2. July 14, 2009 at 8:02 am

    […] Grovel immediately. […]


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