Who? That Perry Guy? Why is it So Hot in Here?

“Man, is it me, or did it just get really hot in here? Now tell me again, who announced for my job for life? Another Texan? Excuse me, excuse me, hey, yes, you girl, over there, are you the pollster’s intern? Can you call them please? They’re getting my numbers all wrong, you see, they are always supposed to trend up. Up, up up. Yep. Get on the horn, honey, and straighten this out. Now, now, tell me again, this Perry guy? What? Say that again… What? Low unemployment while he was governor? You’re joshing me, man. No body, and I mean NO BODY should be able to pull that off since I tanked the economy in our current fiscal downturn. Can somebody get me a cold Perrier? I’m bakin’ here. Speak up, Carney, you’re mumbling. Oh. Great. Texas has no state tax, but their budget is in great shape? What. Whatever. Don’t make me come over and have to get all unicorns and rainbows on you, buddy. Nobody’s gonna beat me, even if I have to resort to last campaign’s tactics. Please, somebody, can you check on the air in here? I’m so hot, I may just melt. Haha, very funny Val. Go make yourself useful and get me a cold one, NOW. Now back to this twangy cowboy. Oh wait, what’s wrong with my feet? I’m melting! I’m melting! Who could have believed that a candidate with a spine could destroy my beautiful wickedness! Oooooh, look out! I’m going! Oooooh! Ooooooh!

What a world! What a world!”

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