Jack, Jack, You’re So Whack

Previously on Obi’s Sister: Darth Bauer and Superman Wears Jack Bauer Pajamas

Thoughts on last night’s premier of this season’s 24:

When did Red Forman run for Senate?

The First Gentleman is a real nutcase. Hopefully Jack will be able to torture him.

The computer henchman and faux air traffic controller also played one of the creepiest villains ever on X-Files. Hopefully Jack will be able to torture him.

Speaking of X-Files, who does the new FBI agent remind you of?

If Jack is an unindicted co-conspirator in dozens of crimes, why did she keep handing him a gun?

Tony is the new sneer-meister. If his car really blew up, why doesn’t he have more than on itty-bitty burn scar? Did his face freeze that way after the explosion? Hopefully Jack will be able to torture him to find out who his plastic surgeon was.

Does Janeane Garofalo ever wash her hair? I have it on good authority that Jack DOES get to torture her.

Why was Jack wearing my dad’s raincoat?

Big Hollywood

The blogosphere has added a new star to its firmament*: Big Hollywood from Andrew Breitbart. Yes, that Breitbart.

I like the looks of it – the sordid tales of black-listed conservatives in Tinsel Town. The town that leans so far left, they are about to fall into the ocean.

By the way, check out the post on the upcoming season of 24. Jack – apologize? I didn’t think those two words would fit in the same sentence. I especially like the first comment, evidently from Jack himself:

Relax – I do get to torture and ice Janeane Garofalo. Hey, she’s been torturing us for years.

I’m gonna need a hacksaw.

*Ok, movie buffs, tell me what movie that line is from!

24 version 7.0

The trailer for season 7 is up!

(h/t) Fausta

Let the BauerFest begin!

UPDATE: I thought I recognized one of those new faces….Jeff Nordling, who played Tom Burnett on the TV film Flight 93.

There’s a teeny light….

at the end of this tunnel. Maybe by the end of the week this black-hole of a project will release me from it’s grasp.

But for the moment, here’s a few tid-bits to nibble on…

Fred? Really?

He hasn’t dreamed of becoming president since he was in diapers and modeled his every step in life to take him close to the Presidency like Hillary Clinton.

The Anchoress points us to a glimpse of the President Bush we all know about, but the media is loathe to report on. Doesn’t fit “the template.”

But once in a while – more and more thanks to the internet – you get a glimpse. You get to remember that this president does not return in kind. He does not offer a hand to you only if you’re from the right party, and if you do him fealty.

That picture of Bush with Byrd reminds me that he is – in his own mind, if not in yours – the president of all the people, determined to serve your safety, your infrastructure, your economy and your future, even if you would rather he did not. Even if you wish he were dead. Even if you call him names. Even if you try to destroy his presidency and take him down. Even if you do all that from his own party and not from the “opposition” side.

This president will not return in kind. He hasn’t in six years, no matter how rude others have been.

Fausta must drink protein shakes or sumthin’, because she cranks out an amazing array of material each and every day. Must be part of the homework avoidance tactic. Yesterday, in the linked post she talked about Lileks, who is always hilarious. True to form, there was a McCoy Freakout Scale that rivals the FugGirls’ Celebrity Terror Watches and a conversation between Gradinko, the Greasy One-Armed Russian and the Happy Burger worker-through-the-speaker drive-thru boy. (Be sure to use your cheesiest Russian accent)

Hello, welcome to Happy Burger.

I want the hamburger.

One hamburger. Anything else?

I want it with cheese. And I want it hot.

Hold on . . . okay, that’s one cheeseburger. Anything else?

I want it in paper wrapper with two packets of ketchup. If there is anything else in the bag I will kill you.

So no fries?

(Pause) I will accept some fries. But only a small order. Ten fries, no more. If there are eleven fries the girl dies.

So that’s one cheeseburger one small fries. Anything to drink?

The tears of the enemies of Allah. No ice.

That’ll be $2.12. Please drive through.

I will meet you at the power plant in ten minutes.

Uh – the food comes out the window ahead, sir, and –

Ten minutes! No more! Or I will see about getting tacos.

Obi has sent a Hillary Joke for this week, but it is quite colorful. If I can tone it down a little, but not so much that you lose the real gist of the joke, I’ll post it tomorrow.

Siggy brilliantly writes about AhmahenaNutjob’s delusions, comparing him to Amon Goth, a slimey character from Schinder’s List. Gift? Gift?!?!? [Sniff!] I don’t think so.

Mahmoud Ahmadenijad’s ‘pardon’ and release of those 15 British sailors and marines is no more a gesture of Iran’s inherent ‘goodness’ than were Adolph Hitler’s displays of affection for his dog- and it is important that we understand that.

He closes with “The answers friends, aren’t to be found in the wind. The answers are in the mirror.”

And lastly, I am more than a little bummed. The Goracle Gas Bag, Inventor of the Internet and Personal Weathermaker to Zeus, is scheduled to speak at Georgia Tech in 2 weeks. Expect mounds of snow the next day. I’d requested two tickets, but just found out today I didn’t get them because sooooo many people requested tickets, they had to set up a lottery. Which meant, of course, only the ATL biggywiggys with their own stables of limos and private jets got tickets. Or maybe “those in charge” heard a vicious rumor that Obi and I were going to smuggle in some produce. Organic, only, of course.

Later.

Carnival of Bauer

Carnival of Bauer

Be sure to check out this week’s Carnival of Bauer, hosted this week by Riding with Ricky.

Darth Bauer

Farmer Hoggett, he ain’t.

The only fun part of my day-long appointment with the powder room was getting caught up on my taped episodes of 24. No wonder Jack has so much suppressed rage. Just look at the pater familias.

Maaaannnn, he kills his son and blames CTU/Jack for the death. He kidnaps his own grandson and then threatens his daughter-in-law with the well-being of her boy. Then he tries to kill both her and Jack with a bomb. Then the evil Russian everyone at CTU is looking for turns out to be none other than the dishy French planter Emile from South Pacific. Today must be Opposite Day on 24!

But back to ol’ Daddy-O. What a piece of work! From pig farmer to major bad old dude. But Mr. Darkest of the Dark Bauer – I have a couple of questions, if you don’t mind.

1. Exactly what kind of business is the family company in anyway?
2. Why did Jack not want to work for you?
3. Why does Paul McCrane insist on playing weasels? All the time? Sorry, I didn’t care for him as Leonard Betts, the cancer-eating creepoid on the X Files that had a taste for Sculley’s brain. Or as Dr. Romano, mister-major-a$$-hole-who- thinks-he’s-in-charge on ER. On both those shows he died badly as well.
4. Sorry, I digress. Don’t you think Josh looks alot like Kim?
5. Are there any Bauer sisters? Have any of them made appearances on CSI as Lady Heather?
6. Where’s Granny Bauer? Should we check in the basement or the backyard of Castle Bauer with cadaver dogs? Or the freezer, maybe?

I can see it now….in hour 11….Daddy Bauer dons The Helmet and says (sqssh, sqssh) “Joooosh, Jaaack is your faaahhhther”. (sqssh, sqssh)

Alas, Jack, Who Made Thee?

We all know after our exhaustive education by Lestat, that vampires are made by other vampires.

So, Jack, who gave you the dark kiss? Was it yet another secret you were keeping from us? Or is it a little something you picked up while vacationing in Chinese Torture Town? One item from column A; two from column B; thanks, and hold the MSG. Maybe that’s why he can never die….

Blogs4Bauer has a Kill Counter. As of last night’s 2 episodes, Jack’s score is 6.

Personal fave, Alexander Siddig (Dr. Bashir from DS9) is a major player. And like a fine wine, he is aging marvelously. While he’s still on a little on the skinny side for me, he’s still a treat for the eyes.

Jack is unraveling, possibly finally feeling a little post-traumatic stress, so the body count will definitely go up.

8 and a half hours until the next dose of Jack.

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