An Apology, Fish or Cut Bait, Smoke and Mirrors, and Hands Off My Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger!

First off, if you received a spam email from me, mucho apologios. My account was hacked, and the entire planet was notified in the wee hours of Saturday. Again, my humblest apologies for my inability to keep the weaseally trolls at bay.

Secondly, this post was saved as draft last night, when I left for Thai Food Tuesday with Princess Hornist. When I returned home, the power was out on the entire street. An obvious conspiracy by SkyNet to keep you from all my bloggy goodness!

Now, to the dilemma before me. Next Tuesday is the Georgia Presidential Primary. I have narrowed my choices to two candidates: stinky Gingrich and equally stinky Santorum. While Buzz Brockway (a fellow contributor at Peach Pundit) supports Rick Santorum and Buzz’s opinion is greatly respected here at the praxuem, I still get a queasy feeling in my gut about the guy. Of course, any consideration of Newt requires an extra-large clothespin and a healthy dose of Lysol spray. I could yammer on about issue-this and issue-that all day long, but the matter festers to a point past who is electable – to who can beat the Romney machine and ultimately the Obama Death Star. (Or is it whom? I’m sure Divine Empress Editor Joy will get me on this one.) Politics certainly make for strange bedfellows. Getting past the Romney machine may be the kicker, but once accomplished – of the two (and PAY ATTENTION HERE) which candidate would cave and hand over their delegates to Romney in the face of defeat? Santorum would definitely wither away under the gaze of The Victor, obediently transferring his delegates all the while groveling for a Cabinet post. Newt, I’m not so sure. At least he would make it all the way to Mount Doom, if only to have Gollum bite his finger off. Decisions. Decisions.

(And yes, I know I mixed my fantasy metaphors there. Longtime readers know I do that all the time. Put your light saber away or I will win this argument handily with a Vulcan nerve pinch.)

Obama’s smoke and mirrors on energy policy. It is all in the pretty picture.

And That Albany Woman, Paula Deen, appears to be caving to MO’s food police. Darlin’ say it ain’t so!

Paula Deen says she’s going to start making lighter versions of her dishes. That’s a little like Ron Paul saying he’s going to start putting tax increases in his bills. It’s a little suspect.

Paula Deen has made a fortune off her rich recipes, as has the Food Network. So, what’s really at play here?

Deen, of course, has been under fire ever since revealing last month she has Type 2 diabetes.

Food activists decried the revelation. After all, how dare she keep mum about it for three years and continue making fattening foods!

What she cooks, eats, and what medical problems she has are no one else’s business. But, try telling that to the food police who think others’ food choices are their business.

Neither Deen nor the Food Network should bow to outside pressure for healthier fare. It’s a slippery slope toward food tyranny. What’s next, government regulation of the Food Network? Big Brother is already trying to tell us what we can and can’t eat, why not tell the Food Network what to do?

Now pass me that Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger, or I’ll Vulcan nerve pinch you again.

Round-Ups for Roll-Over RINOS

A round-up is in order, I think, to get this old jalopy running again…

Government’s latest power grab makes us all Catholics now. The church’s own leaders aided and abetted this travesty. And Adrienne, another conservative Catholic sees the parallels to Hitler’s early years that I warned of almost six years ago.

The Rick Santorum/Bob Schieffer interview is just apalling. Santorum holds his own against a vile Voldermort-wannabe who tries to twist every word into something he didn’t mean. Quin Hillyer has some excellent advice on how to proceed, especially since a nervous Obama is looking over his shoulder now.

Newt believes defeating Obama is a matter of national security.

Fifty years ago, John Glenn became the first man to orbit Earth. America will still have the “Right Stuff” for space exploration, but it will come from the private sector now.

Evil Blogger Lady has the Media’s Guide to Protestors.

DHS’ new counterterrorism training doesn’t include any mention of Islam or Muslims. Because they might be offended.

Stacy has the post-CPAC sniffles. Nothing will make him feel better than hitting his tip jar!

Redneck Jedis are the new HAWT. Who knew a little series filmed in and around Atlanta would be such a hit?

Well, I’m Not at CPAC This Year

Sigh. Long story. Living vicariously through the CPAC live feed will just have to do.

Fausta has #OccupyCPAC silliness.

This is the stuff I really miss. Fire in the belly stuff.

Santorum, Romney and Gingrich all spoke yesterday. When the videos are available, I’ll post them. They each had a solid speech (I mean after all, for the most part CPAC is not a tough room when you’re a GOP candidate). Of the three, Gingrich had the best performance (yes, don’t faint, I actually liked something Newt did).

Sigh. It’s an Eeyore kind of day.

Remember Me? I Used to Blog Here…

Haha. Just kidding. Let’s catch up, shall we?

I was sick. A weird kind of sick. At first, it seemed like the flu, but lingered about in a strange, unsettling way. I’d had a flu shot last fall, so according to all the medical types I knew, any flu should be minor and relatively short-lived, since the all-powerful-Oz-flu-shot-makers almost got it right this year. By the fifth day of my general malaise and discomfort, my face was getting numb, dizzyness ruled and my left ear was ringing. More phone calls and time on the couch. Now the consensus of opinion is the mystery illness was really a nasty ear infection that crawled into my sinuses. At least this 1600mg of daily nuclear antibiotic seems to be working.

That’s why they call it a “practice.” Some day, one of them thar doctor types will get it right.

In the midst of all this excitement, I had my birthday. No parade this year, due to my general lack of enthusiasm.

So back to the salt mines.

The Florida primary is tomorrow. I’m really getting tired of all this sniping. Sarah Palin calls them a bunch of cannibals. How true. How can any of these bozos be considered as a serious opponent to the Man Who Pretends to be President?

Newt has a Las Vegas sugardaddy, which explains why he’s still in the race. It can’t be anything he’s actually said

Michelle Malkin has endorsed Rick Santorum. Her arguments are compelling. Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad you’re running for President.

While you’re there, read her post on Mr. and Mrs. Cranky Pants.

So, it turns out that the cool cat billed as “No Drama Obama” by his sycophants is actually quite the drama queen. While the White House publicly pretends to ignore conservative detractors of his administration, Chief Touchy-Touchy seems to be personally consumed by our critiques. Yes, mine included.

On Wednesday, the president had himself a mini-”Toddlers and Tiaras”-style meltdown with Arizona GOP Gov. Jan Brewer after landing in Phoenix for a post-State of the Union dog-and-pony show. As Brewer told pool reporters on the scene, Obama took umbrage at Brewer’s recent memoir. She minced no words on the cover: “Scorpions for Breakfast: My Fight Against Special Interests, Liberal Media, and Cynical Politicos to Secure America’s Border.”

And she minced no words describing her impressions of Obama as they sparred over her state’s tough immigration enforcement law, which is now the subject of a Justice Department witch-hunt. Brewer called Obama “patronizing” and “condescending.” I’d say she was excruciatingly polite.

According to Brewer, “He was a little disturbed about my book. … I said to him that I have all the respect in the world for the office of the president. The book is what the book is. I asked him if he read the book. He said he read (an) excerpt.” In the shadow of Air Force One, Obama complained that Brewer hadn’t “treated him cordially” and then stalked off while she was responding mid-sentence.

Photogs captured the fracas on film. The civility police gasped at Brewer’s “disrespectful” finger-pointing. On cue, one progressive commentator insinuated the gesture was a “racist” jab tantamount to lynching.

(More of that racist-code-word crap. Another thing I am sickeningly tired of. DNC sycophants at their finest.)

But it is entirely fine and proper for the President to be rude. After all, he is the President. Especially disturbing is this exchange with Gov. Bobby Jindal, when he visited Louisiana right after the BP oil spill.

In another instance, Louisiana Republican Gov. Bobby Jindal wrote in a book about an unpleasant brush with this president when he arrived in the state during the gulf oil spill.

“I was expecting words of concern about the oil spill, worry about the pending ecological disaster, and words of confidence about how the federal government was here to help,” Jindal wrote. “Or perhaps he was going to vent about BP’s slow response. But no, the president was upset about something else. … Actually, he wanted to talk about a letter that my administration had sent to Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack a day earlier.

“The letter was rudimentary, bureaucratic, and ordinary. … We were simply asking the federal government to authorize food stamps for those who were now unemployed because of the oil spill. Governors regularly make these sorts of requests to the federal government when facing disaster.

“But somehow, for some reason, President Obama had personalized this. And he was upset.

“There was not a word about the oil spill. He was concerned about looking bad because of the letter. ‘Careful,’ he said to me, ‘this is going to get bad for everyone.’”

So in celebration our Dear Leader’s inability to walk in any commoner’s shoes, let’s have a caption contest!!!

(Editor’s note: This note was scheduled to post on Monday. For some reason, it did not. Thanks, WordPress.)

Perry Quits, and More

After much fuss and bother, Rick Perry drops out of the race.

More to come later…

And endorses Gingrich.

I guess this picture will just go in the album with all the other pictures of whozies/whatzies of folks I’ve rubbed shoulders with over the years. Big sigh. I was there when he announced and the sheer electricity in the room was something I will never forget. I wasn’t quite ready to endorse or support anyone yet, but he was on the short list.

As I write, Smitty is live-blogging the debate.

Two people whose opinions I eminently respect, see DOOM.

Elizabeth, The Anchoress, believes that Obama is licking his chops right now, believing he can beat any of the guys left.

The media assist to Obama is real, and needs to be taken into account. Recall Evan Thomas’ unapologetic projection that media assists can give a Democrat candidate an extra 10-15% they might not otherwise have (they certainly did, with John Kerry — a dreadful candidate who should never done as well as he did in the 2004 election) and yes, I think the White House has to feel good, right now.

As things stand today, you won’t hear any more about Hillary Clinton replacing Joe Biden on the ticket. She’s not needed. You won’t hear any more about her running independently specifically to rid the Democrats of Obama, which many of them would quietly love to see.

Absent a brokered convention, and barring something at-this-moment completely unforeseen, Obama will win re-election in ’12. In a cakewalk.

Just how stupid are the Republicans? That stupid. This election was theirs to lose. And they’re losing it.

Erick thinks that the GOP is being played by underground Paul supporters.

prominent friend told me some weeks ago that he noticed an odd thing. In his state, several people who have been successful in getting themselves known as very probably Mitt Romney delegates for the Republican National Convention are also his supporters. And they are not just my friends’ supporters, they are also long time staunch Ron Paul supporters.

Why then would they, long time staunch Ron Paul supporters, align this year with Mitt Romney? He made calls and talked to friends in other states. All of them saw the same thing happening — long time Dr. Paul supporters working to become delegates to the convention pledging to support Mitt Romney and others.

If the field stays fractured at this level, with only a few people, but each getting delegates enough to prevent the front runner from an outright majority, there will be a second vote at the Republican National Convention.

Delegates are only locked in for their candidate during the first vote. After the first vote, they can vote for whoever they want. So if Mitt Romney is unable to clear an outright majority on the first ballot, suddenly he could see some of his delegates turn on him — turn and go back to Ron Paul.

It is an ingenious strategy premised on a convention where no one gets majority support early. It plays well to a primary calendar where the delegates are first awarded proportionally. Who knows if it is a campaign strategy or just his volunteers, but the Paul campaign has been active now for four years trying to take over local parties.

It may pay off if the GOP doesn’t unite around a candidate soon.

Scary, isn’t it? And the whole time, Obama just sits there, waiting like a spider…

But back to today.

The campaign as a whole has declined to such a point that folks are making fun of candidate’s yearbook pictures. Really? You’ve stooped to this?

Right on cue, ABC tries to sink Newt’s ship with the “bitter ex-wife blast furnace” strategy. Drudge squealed, and stole the thunder. Hahaha! However, PeachPundit got the real scoop on Marianne’s bombshell. Read the whole thing, I’ll wait. It’s worth it.

I think the whole thing will boomerang on ABC and end up helping Newt. So does Sarah Palin. People are sick and tired of the media trying to torpedo anyone who doesn’t subscribe to their script of scorched-earth, progressive-infused, far-left journalism.

And just in case your mind wandered for just a second, don’t forget that The Won himself torpedoed the Keystone pipeline. Blaming Republicans, blah blah blah.

Exit Question: Should a sitting President HATE his country soooo much, that he tries to destroy it with every action he takes?

Stinking Up the Room With “Electability”

(via Ace) Baseball Crank gives words to this nagging unease in my gut:

The other point I would make about integrity is that it goes close to the core of why a Romney nomination worries me so much: because we would all have to make so many compromises to defend him that at the end of the day we may not even recognize ourselves. Romney has, in a career in public office of just four years (plus about 8 years’ worth of campaigning), changed his position on just about every major issue you can think of, and his signature accomplishment in office was to be wrong on the largest policy issue of this campaign.

Yes, Obama is bad, and Romney can be defended on the grounds that he can’t possibly be worse. Yes, Romney is personally a good man, a success in business, faith and family. But aside from his business biography, his primary campaign has been built entirely on arguments and strategies – about touting his own electability and dividing, coopting or delegitimizing other Republicans – none of which will be of any use in the general election. What, then, will we as politically active Republicans say about him?

…Mitt Romney’s record is just one endless sheet of thin ice as far as the eye can see – there’s no way to have any kind of confidence that we can tell people he stands for something today without being made fools of tomorrow. We who have laughed along with Jim Geraghty’s prescient point that every Obama promise comes with an expiration date will be the ones laughed at, and worse yet we will know the critics are right. Every time I try to talk myself into thinking we can live with him, I run into this problem. It’s one that particularly bedeviled Republicans during the Nixon years – many partisan Republicans loved Nixon because he made the right enemies and fought them without cease or mercy, but the man’s actual policies compromised so many of our principles that the party was crippled in the process even before Watergate. We can stand for Romney, but we’ll find soon enough that that’s all we stand for.

Read the whole thing… I’ll wait.

Now, last night I got exceptionally peeved with the NH primary coverage, mostly around 8:00 when the talking head gushed that Romney was the clear winner, with 11% percent of the precincts reporting. I turned to the Hubster and said wouldn’t 36% for first and 25% for second be a run-off in a normal election. He just rolled his eyes and returned to his new addiction iPad.

In the spirit of Monday’s tirade, let’s look at some numbers again. 25 votes were fought over in Iowa. New Hampshire has 12 delegates, awarded by vote percentage, but we’re not going to get into that right now. Add 12 to 25 and you’ve got 37. Wow – a whopping 1.62% of the total delegates. And the media would have you believe it’s all over but the shoutin’.

Which gets me back to this ‘electability’ moniker being thrown around by media monkeys and whoever else. The whole thing just stinks. We all Most of us want someone/anyone who can kick The Won out of office. That’s a basic premise most ordinary Americans can agree on. But is Romney truly the best the GOP has to offer? Is Romney what the GOP thinks will turn this country around? Or is he just the latest narcissist to fit the mold?

I beg to differ, kind sirs, I beg to differ. If it does boil down to Romney as the nominee, I will vote for him as the only thing to stop Obama from regulating us back to Third World Nation status, but only while wearing a clothespin on my nose in the voting booth.

UPDATE: Seeeeee – smarter people that me are saying the same thing!

Iowa and Some Pretty Pictures

Lots of yackety-yak on the tubes today about Whhaaaat Ioooowwwaaa Meeeaaannns.

What I see is a lot of smoke and bother. The state-run media talking heads telling us what to think and how to vote. SSDD. And despite what the media yaps spew, the turnout in Iowa was less than stellar and does not in anyway reflect any kind of trend or surge or mandate or anything.

What really interests me are these little nuggets, complete with some pretty pictures.

Mitt Romney won, but only by 8 votes, which is the smallest margin of victory in the history of the Iowa Caucuses. But compared to the previous caucus in 2008, Romney got less votes.

But when you look at the county-by-county numbers, the picture changes.

Santorum won more rural counties, which tend to be more conservative. Romney won more urban counties, which tend to be (you guessed it!) more liberal. Romney = ObamaLite. To see the county-by-county breakdown, visit and use their cool interactive map.

Money-wise, Santorum wins outright. Compared to Mitt’s hundreds of campaign dollars spent per vote, Santorum spent about a dollar per vote. “A penny saved is a penny earned” (Benjamin Franklin). The grassroots approach worked. Sweater vests overcame cool hair.

Basically, what this tells me is that even now, voters are still hoping for a ‘None of the Above’ option. Erick is right in that after George W. Bush left office, there was a vacumm in the GOP, top to bottom.

The Republican field was unable to reboot because we had no logical successor coming out of the White House to either win or lose. We went back to McCain and have had to work our way back through unresolved issues from 2000. And now, when the field should be rebooted, we’re having to deal with Mitt Romney who should have been displaced by an heir in 2008 and instead, because the 2008 season did not reboot the crop of candidates, is now the guy three quarters of the GOP does not want who is about to be the nominee.

Our process is chaotic because Bush left us no heir to win or to be rejected through a cathartic process of locking in gains or moving on from Bush. Yes, this one is Bush’s fault. On the bright side, the Democrats will have the same problem in 2016 unless Obama ditches Biden now for Hillary.

But that’s not the only issue the media has failed to pay attention to. There was some serious bull crap coming out of reporters’ mouths last night that is flat out false.

Read the rest. I’ll wait.

Today will be filled with media hysterics on who stays in and who gets out. (I need a clip of Charlie Brown’s teacher here.)

As for me, the big question is who else can get in?

The biggest news of the night, however, was that Stacy made up with David Brooks. Stacy is heading to NH next, so hit his tip jar!

2011: Don’t Let the Screen Door Hit You on the Way Out

I don’t know about you, but 2011 was not a stellar year here at the little praxeum. So I’m not mourning the passing of this sad, disappointing year; neither am I looking at 2012 with hysterical dread like some.

(On a personal note: Dear MIL come home from hospital yesterday. Heartfelt thanks for the many prayers and words of encouragement during her illness. We spent the first few hours of her freedom celebrating the wonderful non-hospital food at OK Cafe. Also, if Piedmont would kindly forward the address of the manufacturer of the concrete hospital beds they use, I would like to, ahem, write them a letter.)

I had planned some sprucing up around the blog over the holidays, but since the black hole of hospitalling ate our Christmas whole, well, it just didn’t happen. Maybe by spring break. Charlie would not call that a SMART goal. Heh.

I have no resolutions. I have no predictions, except for maybe one. 2012 is going to be one helluva roller-coaster ride. I don’t even know where to begin.

SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act, H.R. 3261) will consume our entire bandwidth, if Obama doesn’t just kill the switch altogether. More here, here, and here. The OPEN Act is a more workable alternative, but here’s two bucks saying you’ll never hear about it through the state run media. In typical fashion, our overlords are trying to push this through while the general public is distracted by the holidays.

If only the GOP would stop bickering and focus on Obama’s multitude of failures, at least the presidential portion of this election would be a breeze. Across the pond, Obama is being compared to Hoover and considered a cog in the general decline of world stability. In fact, many historians are comparing the the last decade or so to the 1930’s. I did that back in 2006. I wish more than two people read this blog. Just think if I could use my Jedi prowess up in DC! Smitty thinks that technology enables us humans to see potential outcomes, and that some of us, at least, have learned our history lessons:

The big question for 2012 is whether technology can prevent a repeat of a collapse into fascism, as in 1932, and a vast war. I’ll boldly predict that technology drives the problem the other way. People communicate enough to realize that the social welfare state is the biggest clay-footed idol since Nebuchadnezzar. The tricky question is how you maneuver out from under the idol before it topples and crushes you, i.e. what is the transition plan toward liberty.

My only caveat for The Smittster is while people are able to communicate instantaneously these days, how many will be able to break free from the indoctrination from years of indentured servitude to the entitlement gods to see the true dangers that lay ahead? Liberty is never free, regardless of what that lobbyist just whispered in your ear.

To me, besides being first out of the chute, Iowa is no longer relevant. It is just another manufactured media opportunity to manipulate opinions in an election cycle. Another frenzoid moment, compliments of a decayed system.

Europe is dying, rotting from the soul outward. We can still stop this in America. Our forefathers shed both blood and treasure to fight the corruption of tyrants and reclaim the freedom bestowed by our Creator. Now we get to do it in our own backyards.

There’s much more, but it’s time for football and after this past week, we deserve some time to kick back and enjoy the final days of our favorite sport.

Go Utah. Beat the Bugs.

P.S. Happy New Year!

Help Stacy Get to Iowa!

R.S. McCain, LSHS’s most famous alumni besides Walton Goggins, is planning a trip to cover the Iowa caucases and needs your help. Hit his tip jar for a very Merry Christmas and fruitful trip following the candidates in the first two GOP contests.

Things That Make Me Happy

When a conservative, any conservative really, makes liberal media heads explode like this, well, beams of light illuminate the heavens and baby angels get their wings.

Big smile. Clean up on aisle five.

Herman and Newt at The Woodlands

Saturday evening, while most of the nation watched the National Championship game Tide lose to LSU, Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich had a sit down debate north of Houston, Texas.

You can watch it here. You’ll learn loads about the issues facing the nation and likely will never watch another network sponsored cat-fight again.

Cap’n Ed liked it as well. I mean, who wouldn’t? (Libs need not reply.)

This could set a standard for debates in the future, but only if Republican voters demand to see the other candidates in similar forum models. I’d love to see Rick Santorum and Ron Paul debate foreign policy, for instance, or Mitt Romney and Rick Perry debate economic policy, for 90 minutes with no moderators and no media needling. That would produce real choices for voters, and strip away the gotcha strategies to find out which candidates have substance and which have really good tailors.

Now faithful readers here (and at PP) will remember that I’ve mocked and poked Newt with a stick more than once. I am an adult (despite what my children say) and able to take my nuggies with the best of them. Newt deserves another look.

That Debate Thang

Last night’s debate was certainly more entertaining than all the previous ones. Plus, Stacy and Crew are having way too much fun.

While there are lots of armchair pundits weighing on what who said when and how and why it matters, Sunshine State Sarah has the most entertaining round-up, complete with visual aids. (h/t Da Tech Guy)

What did I think? In a nutshell, Perry did better (still not thrilled), Herman survived the second pile-on, Santorum and Bachmann need to just go home. Newt continues to prove he is the smartest guy in the room, electable or not. I’m curious if his polling numbers will go up. I especially liked his answer to the Latino gentleman’s question and about whether a candidate’s faith should factor into a voter’s choice.

COOPER: Speaker Gingrich, you agree with that? [Cooper had asked Santorum, “Should voters pay attention to a candidate’s religion?”]

GINGRICH: Well, I think if the question is, does faith matter? Absolutely. How can you have a country which is founded on truths which begins we are endowed by our creator with certain inalienable rights? How can you have the Northwest Ordinance of 1787 which says religion, morality and knowledge being important, education matters. That’s the order: religion, morality and knowledge.

Now, I happen to think that none of us should rush in judgment of others in the way in which they approach God. And I think that all of us up here I believe would agree. (APPLAUSE)

But I think all of us would also agree that there’s a very central part of your faith in how you approach public life. And I, frankly, would be really worried if somebody assured me that nothing in their faith would affect their judgments, because then I’d wonder, where’s your judgment — how can you have judgment if you have no faith? And how can I trust you with power if you don’t pray?


Who you pray to, how you pray, how you come close to God is between you and God. But the notion that you’re endowed by your creator sets a certain boundary on what we mean by America.

Yes, I know I dismissed Newt early on, but this is just so much fun to watch. He has nothing to lose so he is able to keep his cool and score some points with his well-thought out answers.

Oh, I forgot to mention Romney. I think he’s going for that Don Draper mussed look…

Disgraceful Lawrence O’Donnell – UPDATED

This interview of Herman Cain by MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell rockets past the offensive mark to the point of “WTH?” Listen to the entire thing there, I can’t embed it here. That free WordPress stuff, still.

Honestly, would O’Donnell have interviewed BHO the same way in 2008? No way; he was too busy licking O’s boots while sticking pins in Sarah Palin dolls, like the rest of the MSM.

If the media hates Cain this vehemently, then that’s a sure sign to the voters that he’d make a good President. At this point, my fifteen year old arthritic and half-blind Shih Tzu would make a better President than the current one (no offense meant to Herman, either, so don’t even go there.)

UPDATE: Here’s another shameful baiting of Herman by CNN’s Candy Crowley. He really has set the talking heads back on their heels!

UPDATE II: Both Stacy and Smitty weigh in on our betters. Ed Driscoll has a good round-up, including an ad for paid protesters for #OccupyWhatever. Yep. Paid protesters.

The Circle

At first, when this band of misfits we call candidates for the Republican Presidential nominee began their their merry jaunt across America, I thought the next year would be spent watching the world’s most excruciating game of Red Rover. Or maybe Duck, Duck, Goose.

At any rate, for me at least, that circle just got smaller. Streiff at RedState explains why.

Who? That Perry Guy? Why is it So Hot in Here?

“Man, is it me, or did it just get really hot in here? Now tell me again, who announced for my job for life? Another Texan? Excuse me, excuse me, hey, yes, you girl, over there, are you the pollster’s intern? Can you call them please? They’re getting my numbers all wrong, you see, they are always supposed to trend up. Up, up up. Yep. Get on the horn, honey, and straighten this out. Now, now, tell me again, this Perry guy? What? Say that again… What? Low unemployment while he was governor? You’re joshing me, man. No body, and I mean NO BODY should be able to pull that off since I tanked the economy in our current fiscal downturn. Can somebody get me a cold Perrier? I’m bakin’ here. Speak up, Carney, you’re mumbling. Oh. Great. Texas has no state tax, but their budget is in great shape? What. Whatever. Don’t make me come over and have to get all unicorns and rainbows on you, buddy. Nobody’s gonna beat me, even if I have to resort to last campaign’s tactics. Please, somebody, can you check on the air in here? I’m so hot, I may just melt. Haha, very funny Val. Go make yourself useful and get me a cold one, NOW. Now back to this twangy cowboy. Oh wait, what’s wrong with my feet? I’m melting! I’m melting! Who could have believed that a candidate with a spine could destroy my beautiful wickedness! Oooooh, look out! I’m going! Oooooh! Ooooooh!

What a world! What a world!”

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